Nostalgia: Painful Yet Necessary

These past few weeks have been spent thinking mostly about the past and my unwavering desire to return to the euphoria that was my freshman year of college. Not all aspects of freshman year, but some. That or just wanting to get past this year and get to the next. I narrowed it down to what was causing my sorrow and this is what I have come up with.

1. The work load gets worse every week. This is border line insanity.
2. Work is necessary, but can be quite a drag.
3. Adulthood is starting to rear it's ugly head with rent, utilites, ect.
4. I don't have a dance party on a weekly basis.
5. USU just isn't the same without my best friends.

#5 is the largest reason of such despair and I'll tell you why. Let us flash back to Kalli Elmer of senior year. I was quite the introvert, I still am actually. While I had friends at school, there were very few that I hung out with outside of it and spent most nights holed up in my room with my many books. Then comes college and my whole world was turned upside down. When you live with girls such as Carly, Megan (both frodsham and meyer), and Kira, staying home on a Friday night, or any night for that matter was not an option. Granted I get a lot more homework done, but it just isn't as fun.  Missions having taken 3 them all over the place and marriage the other. All experiencing a whole new world, while I'm still here in Logan, Utah. The whole time desperately wishing for the good old glory days.

But thankfully we have email, texting, and snap chat and my sister missionaries been out almost 6 months. Not to mention my best guy Tyler  hit his year mark a few weeks ago. 'Atta boy Tylee. There have been times where I've sat on my bed and bawled my eyes out, but things are slowly starting to get better. It still sucks, but I'm somewhat adjusted to it.

I was  recently reminded of this when I made an interesting discovery one night before heading to bed. My dear friend Nicole had come up to Logan for the weekend and had slipped a small note in between the pages of my Book of Mormon when I was gone. She mentioned the wall of pictures in my room and addressing the saudade of last year. But she also made an interesting point of the comparison of the past vs. the future. No matter how much we wish and beg, the past has already gone and will never happen again. But it's the present and future that we can control. If we spend all of our time wishing for things already passed, we will miss out on the opportunities that are available and happening right now.

There is a greater plan in store, I just don't see it yet. I probably won't until it has passed and then I'll have my "Ah Ha" moment of understanding and clarity. So until then, I'll be staring at my countdown app and having new adventures to blog about. Thanks  for reminding me of what living in the present means Nicole, it really helps.


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