Monday, January 9, 2017

The Best is Yet to Come

I think I can speak for a lot of people when I say 2016 was quite the year, in both good ways and bad. For me it was a year of heartache, surgeries, pain, doubt, tears, etc. At moments it felt it was just trial after trial and I couldn't catch a break. But it was also a year of love, happiness, and adventures. But most importantly it was a year of growth, and if I've learned anything about growing, it's that things are going to be a little uncomfortable at times. But even if at times it hurts, it makes you all the better person in the long run.

The whole "resolution" thing was a concept was something that I could never really grasp. I'm the type of person that I feel like I can constant improve and strive to do better and better. So each year I would make this really elaborate list with extensive concepts and swear that I would become a professional in each category. When that doesn't happen, which was almost always because I'm human, I tend to be really hard on myself and find that my resolutions did more harm than good. So I'm over that and I'm trying something new.

So I'm still going to improve on and work on some more basic topics like finances, schooling,  and other big picture things like that. But I decided to focus more on the shorter more day-to-day sort of resolutions and finding the good there instead of trying to stretch it all out for an entire year. Because a good day turns into a good week, which turns into a good month, which turns into a good year. Here is what I decided on and bear with me, because I'm sure they are going to sound a little weird.  But weird can be good sometimes, right?

1. Have more dance parties.
The other day I was hanging out with brad and I was brushing my teeth for some reason (I can't remember why) and suddenly a Whitney Houston song came on Pandora. Next thing I knew, I was dancing around like an idiot and using my toothbrush as a microphone. Brad was laughing and shaking his head at me, but I didn't care if I looked like a crazy person. Instead of going to bed feeling anxious and stressed about everything I had to do or what I was doing wrong in my life, I fell asleep almost immediately and feeling completely relaxed. Too many nights I lay there just staring at the ceiling because my mind wont turn off and I swear I can feel my hair turning gray. Then I start to stress that I'm stressing too much and it's just a vicious cycle. So I have vowed to have more dance parties so I can relax just a little bit and remember that life is pretty great  :)

2. Drink more water
This is actually a huge challenge for me because I am so terrible at drinking water for some random reason. I sip instead of swallow and it takes me hours to get through a water bottle. Brad drinks water like it's going out of style and is probably the most hydrated person I know. Not to mention I got into the terrible habit of drinking energy drinks during late night study sessions and using it for headache relief. I could drink Dr. Pepper for days, but I knew I was heading down a dangerous road, so I am trying my very best to stay away from things loaded with caffeine and sugar. It's only been 9 days and I'm tempted to run to Walmart almost every day, but I'm determined to make it to our wedding without breaking, so wish me luck.

3. Get off of my phone
This has multiple reasons, as well as all of these other points do, and all come together for one big reason. More and more I find myself scrolling through Instagram or Facebook and it's gotten to the point where I'm not even bored, it's just a habit. We will be in the middle of a movie or dinner, and I'll be on my phone again for no reason. It takes me away from the people around me and I end up missing on moments with my friends or taking my attention away from Brad. I want to nip this in the bud because especially as I prepare to get married and start a family with Brad in the next few years, I don't want to miss the cute little moments that we have with our kids because I'm too worried about the amount of likes I got on a post or what's going on with everyone else's life instead of  focusing on my own. It's going to be hard, I'm not going to lie, but I want to make sure that I'm seeing life through my own eyes instead of a screen

4. Center my life on Christ
I've noticed that the less that I incorporate the elements of the Gospel in my life, like scriptures and prayers, the harder things become. I've always been stubborn in the aspect of wanting to do everything myself and my pride often gets in the way of asking others for help. So instead of turning to my Heavenly Father when things got rough, I would try to trudge through the mud myself and ended up dealing with all of the pain. So this year I have decided that is all going to change, especially as I prepare to enter the temple and to be sealed to my future husband. Brad and I have had a couple of long discussions about this and there is nothing we want more than to make sure that our family has a strong foundation and that comes through living the gospel and it's principles. That's the beauty about the LDS faith and something that brings me a lot of comfort; its that you will be blessed for trying and can rely on the strength of Heavenly Father to help you along the way. We are all trying our best to find the right path and we are never left alone. I will be forever grateful that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and everything it represents.

There is a point to all four of these points and it's somewhat of a difficult and delicate topic. There are very few people who know this about me, so to those who actually read my blog, I thank you for the bottom of my heart for caring. For almost two years now, I have been struggling with a deadly trio that consists a severe eating disorder, anxiety, and depression. 2016 was the peak of all three of these elements and there were so many nights that I spent crying and feeling so low without knowing why. I tried everything from therapy, to exercising, to verbally pleading myself to feel happier. Brad has been my lifesaver and pulled me from the dark pit that I was in. I will be forever grateful for him and the anchor that he is in my life. There are still many of hard and dark days but that's why I've focused on these four points. Dance parties provide little moments of happiness that help push me through the hard times. Water helps me get into a healthier mindset so I'm not constantly worried about the calories and my weight. Staying off my phone will help me from comparing myself to others and the "perfect" lives they are leading. Comparison is my biggest weakness, so I'm trying to eliminate that source entirely. Centering my life on Christ won't take away the trials and the hard times all together, but it will help me through it and make me stronger.

2016 was a hard year and by hard I mean, it kicked my trash and shoved me in a dumpster. But out of all the darkness and the trials, there was still some light and goodness that came out of it. I grew and learned a lot and it was definitely a turning point in my life. I am forever grateful for  the year that has been termed "the worst" and I know that 2017 is going to be one for the books. Cheers.



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